Instead Of Leading, Parents Are Bringing Violence To Youth Sports

Seven years ago, I wrote a feature article looking into youth sporting events and the uptick in violence. 

While researching for my story, I attended a girls high school basketball game where I witnessed a parent barking instructions to their daughter while the coach was drawing up plays.

Imagine what would’ve happened if the coach turned around and told the parent to chill?

In today’s age of youth sports, there might’ve been a problem.

Lately, it appears parents and coaches have become more brazen when it comes to inciting violence. 

My daughter plays hockey. As a parent who is aware of the valuable lessons of youth sports, at what point do I achieve the balance between having fun and the increasing importance of competition? 

What do I tell her when — not if — racism creeps into the equation and the adults do nothing about it?

Mark Conners, a biracial, teenage Canadian goaltender was the victim of racism slurs in 2021 during a hockey tournament.

Mark’s story will be featured in “Black Ice,” a documentary executive produced by Drake and LeBron James detailing the trials and tribulations of Black hockey players (Full disclosure: I’m making an appearance in the documentary.)

Here’s what Mark said in a with CBC regarding how the adults failed him when he reported two separate racist incidents:

In both instances, we tried to get it to stop.

At the game, we notified the referees and my dad told tournament organizers.

At the hotel, we reported it to the front desk and the police were called.

Then, nothing.

The players didn’t face any consequences (the players were suspended AFTER the incidents garnered media coverage).

Winning And Keeping It Real

For some, winning is everything — even if enemies are made along the way. 

Reading everything I could on youth sports since my 2015 feature and becoming a parent along the way, there’s something different about these incidents. I think we’re dealing with something more than just a few parents who utilize youth sports to live vicariously through kids and who routinely obliterate boundaries as if they never existed.

It’s bigger than a parent saying: “I need this kid to get a scholarship or else.” 

The Dallas Morning News reported that the shooting death earlier this month of Mike Hickmon, a Dallas area youth football coach, at the hands of Yaqub Talib, the older brother of former NFL cornerback Aqib, took place after a late touchdown was scored during a scrimmage featuring nine-year-old players.

The Talib brothers, who run the North Dallas United Bobcats, are well-known figures within the Dallas area youth football scene, an area that routinely churns out NFL talent like Tim Brown, Richmond Webb, Jesse Armstead, Matthew Stafford and Von Miller.

Witnesses told a Dallas area media outlet that Aqib instigated the fight that led to the shooting by confronting the referees and throwing a punch at Hickmon, who was later shot by Yuqub (the elder Talib later turned himself into local law enforcement and now faces murder charges.)

Aqib Talib released a statement via his attorney saying: 

“Aqib Talib was present when this unfortunate incident occurred and is very distraught and devastated over this terrible loss of life. He would like to convey his condolences to the family of the victim and to everyone who witnessed this unfortunate tragedy.”

The Talibs are no strangers to violent incidents.

In a 2011 police report, Aqib allegedly pistol-whipped and shot at his sister’s boyfriend.

There were additional incidents in Dallas involving the Talibs, fights and shootings in both 2015 and 2016.

After the most recent incident, Aqib decided to step away from his duties as an analyst for Amazon Prime’s Thursday Night Football programming. 

This fatal shooting is far from the only incident at recent youth sporting events.

Earlier this summer, a coach attacked a 72-year-old umpire during a New Jersey baseball tournament due to a disputed call, leaving the latter with a broken jaw that needed to be wired shut. The coach was charged with third-degree aggravated assault and fourth-degree assault.

So Now What?

Anyone with a decent level of sanity regarding youth sports and increasing violence has some soul searching to do. 

Across all sports nationwide since 2018, 50,000 officials and referees have stepped down from their duties, rightfully deciding to prioritize their safety and sanity over the unpredictable whims of parents, players and coaches.

The National Federation of State High School Associations (NFHS) collaborated with 50 organizations in an attempt to stem the tide but only time will tell. 

“We believe the ongoing crisis involving the shortage of officials across the country has lasted far too long,” said NFHS CEO Dr. Karissa Niehoff in an April 2022 website post. “By unifying our leaders in sport, we intend to develop a collective strategy that provides an effective, yet timely solution in addressing the decline in officials brought on by the pandemic, and unsportsmanlike behavior by students, coaches, parents and other fans.”

Youth sports — especially in marginalized communities — are historically organized as a tool to keep children engaged, and, most importantly, out of trouble. 

Maybe the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic has exacerbated issues within these communities regarding resources — mainly the lack thereof — leaving folks to find different ways to better their situation.

Poverty makes people angry, bitter and stressed out. And those who’ve achieved a level of wealth after tough circumstances never want to experience that again. 

But some parents are awful and vile people. 

If a parent thinks a coach is impeding their child’s chances of being seen by top high schools with inroads to top college programs, they may act out.

But what do these sad state of affairs say about us when a safe space turns violent?

I hope Coach Hickmon’s son, and the other kids on the field that tragic day, receive the mental health support available. I wish the same for the Talib brothers as well.

After all, we recently watched what it’s like when someone’s unresolved trauma is triggered in an ugly fashion on stage in front of millions of people.